In a Pub News

I was with a landlord in a lovely village local the other day, chatting about what makes a great pub and what constitutes the most serious competition.
He looked me straight in the eye and asked, not unlike Al Murray’s Pub Landlord, “Do you know what the biggest single threat is to pubs in this country?”
I didn’t answer as I assumed it was a rhetorical question and that he wanted to fill the now slightly awkward void in conversation himself.
After a slightly longer than necessary dramatic pause he said “supermarkets”.
I wasn’t surprised as that tends to be the one that most freeholders (which he was) go for. Other popular choices are pubcos, brewery prices, the recession and that old favourite, the smoking ban (still!).
But he went for supermarkets and when you consider how skint many people are and how cheap you can buy booze for it is hardly a surprise. That said I can think of at least 10 good reasons why supermarkets are an inferior option. And here they are:

Money – The drink might be cheaper but I always leave supermarkets a lot poorer than intended with a bunch of crap I didn’t really need. Money spent in the pub is filed straight under ‘merriment’.

Cask ale – It’s an old classic but while you can get some mighty fine bottled beers in supermarkets you can’t get a pint of cask. They tend to frown on you ‘trying before you buy’ as well.

Snacks – Similarly with snacks, you’ll find if you tuck into a packet of pork scratchings while pushing your trolley you’ll be met with unfriendly looks. Whereas in the pub this behaviour is actively encouraged, apart from the trolley pushing.

Meals – You can get a half decent meal in many supermarkets but the atmosphere is no better than a motorway service station. Tesco is unlikely to be investing in open fires any time soon.

Live sport – Buy your bunting and plastic flags by all means but you can’t gather with friends to watch England fail miserably in another tournament. Of course you can take your big case of beer home but when England lose wouldn’t you rather get over the disappointment with another pint and a chat with mates instead of thinking ‘right, ‘spose I’d better tidy up then’.

Car parks – More car accidents happen in supermarket car parks than anywhere else. That is quite possibly a fact. You’re better off not driving to the pub at and making a saving on petrol.

Conversation with strangers – In most pubs in the country you can go in, have a drink and start talking nonsense with the locals. Do that in a supermarket and you may be asked to leave immediately by the management.

Queues – In fairness you can get these at both but at least in the pub you tend to get things put in the right package for you. Imagine queuing for a beer and then having to pour it yourself. It’s effectively what you do at the supermarket

Screaming babies - Don’t get me wrong, I like kids. I’ve got one of my own. I like family friendly pubs as well. But I also like pubs that don’t have any kids making a noise. I’ve yet to find a supermarket that can offer that service.

Love – So many romances start in the pub. A few end there as well. But I don’t know of many couples whose eyes first met in the fruit and veg aisle of a supermarket.

The truth is both serve a purpose but I have no doubts about where I would rather spend both my time and my money.

Matt Eley is the Inapub Editor